I wonder how many people do some self analyzing before they enter a serious relationship.
Do they really know themselves?
Do they know what they want from a relationship?
I feel like most people (including me a while ago), jump into a relationship as soon as they feel that hormonal reaction of “falling in love” with someone. Then it all ends badly and they all suffer. Because they don’t know themselves enough.
I was always told that no matter what you do, you are bound to end up with a partner that is just like your opposite gender parent.
In short, if you are a woman you are gonna end up with a man that’s like your father. If you are a man you are going to be with someone that is like your mother.
I thought it was absurd. And I still think that.
But I know where that whole idea comes from and why it is still “popular” amongst people.
OUR PARENTS AS ROLE MODELS FOR A RELATIONSHIP?
As children we spend most of our lives with our parents, and we learn from them how relationships should be.
The problem is that 90% of people, (parents) are terrible at relationships, because they themselves come from families that had little, to no understanding of human psychology and healthy mature relationships.
Basically we live in an emotionally crippled society.
Most people that are considered adults these days, are actually really immature emotionally.
The fact that someone is able to be financially independent and live on their own, does not mean they are emotionally mature adults.
Sadly even if one has a family of their own, doesn’t mean that they are good at it and know how to handle their families’ emotional needs.
SO WHAT MAKES YOU AN EMOTIONALLY MATURE PERSON?
It took me many years to realize what makes someone mature.
I often read it in psychology, but only a few years ago I understood it and felt it in me.
The first thing is probably, knowing yourself inside out.
Which includes flaws, weaknesses, fears, knowing your limits.
Know what you are actually good at and what you aren’t.
Being aware of your reactions to situations, especially unpleasant ones.
Being responsible for your actions without always blaming your surroundings.
Admitting that you are wrong, when you are actually wrong.
But the most important thing in my opinion, is knowing the effects of your behavior on other people.
A personal example could be the fact, that I always got offended easily when someone criticized me.
They would tell me that I’m really stubborn and not open enough.
I always got mad and started accusing the other person with phrases like “well you aren’t perfect either, you are this…and that…”
Instead of actually looking inside of myself and realizing that in fact I was stubborn. Therefore accepting that I am not perfect and that is totally fine.
If now someone told me I was stubborn, I would probably reply this:
“yes in fact I am stubborn, you are right, but you see I analyzed myself enough to realize, that in certain situations I need to be stubborn because I am defending my beliefs, which give me emotional safety and certainty in life.
But I will try to be open to the change you are offering me. And at the end see if that is actually good for me or not.”
I think people should take sometime to get to know themselves, before jumping into relationships that then end up hurting them.